On Monday some year 5 and 6s went skiing. The bus ride was really long.
When we got off the bus I went to the platter. When I finally got to the top I started to go down. Weeee! I shouted. Clack! as I went down the slope.
Then is was lunch time. I had a good lunch.
After that we went skiing. There was another two and a half hours. Then it was time to go back home.
Sandwich Response from Miss Irvine:
Callum, you're writing has improved so much from the start of this year. You are now writing in paragraphs and adding more detail to your work.
I like that you've attempted to use speech to help you retell what happened, but you need to work on using the correct punctuation for speech marks.
You have used time words well to retell your events in order and you have a good informative introduction.
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