Week Three Sykping

This week Darren and Georgie shared their Journal writing with our Room 12 New River e-buddies. They received feedback on their learning intention and then they made any changes they needed to.

Learning Intention: I am learning to use complex sentences in my writing.

Success Criteria: I will be successful when I include at least 5 complex sentences in my journal writing. I know they will be complex when I use words like: although, as, becasue, but, if, or, since.

Read their final editions below:


Going Duck Shooting
By Georgie

On an awesome Saturday I went duck shooting. I went with all my family. We shot 40 ducks and that was fun!!! When we got there ma and my grandma stayed in the cabin while the others went shooting. We ate lollies and chips. Jake, my little brother came inside and our dad but dad went back out and Jake stayed inside with us. When the rest of the others came in, my little cousin arrived. Her name is Amelia. A while after she arrived we had dinner. We had sausages and steak for dinner... "Morning," I say. "Morning," the others reply. At six o'clock in the morning we went back out duckshooting. It was really cold, "brrrrr!!" After a while we went home. I went into town with grandma to buy a mothers day present for mum. I liked going duck shooting becasue my special family was there.


Goldfish Hunting
By Darren

On Sunday 6th May, mum and I went to Christine's house to fish for some goldfish. They had a ginormous outdoor pond. It was shaped like a figure of eight.
It had big goldfish, small goldfish and every size imaginable. They were gold, grey, and black.
First mum and I put on our togs and hopped in. It was as cold as an ice cream.
Mum slipped into the pond on some moss but I didn't fall in.
We had a trout net and a very small net. I had the small net, mum had the big net.
First I caught a fish. I called it Small Furey because it was furious to get out of the icecream tub. Then I started to sink into all of the stones.
Then mum caught one. She called it Toothless because it had no teeth and we had also been to How to Train your Dragon arena specatacular in Auckland.
In the end we had two grey goldfish.